Recent national headlines have focused on romantic relationships at work. David Letterman of CBS and Steve Phillips of ESPN have both admitted to office affairs with co-workers. Their actions have embarrassed them, their wives, romantic partners and companies.

Are workplace romances a good idea?

Research indicates that romances at work are increasing in large numbers.

Forty-one percent of employed Americans ages 25-40 report to having an office romance, according to a survey sponsored by Glamour magazine and Lawyers.com.

The workplace is a great place to meet a potential spouse or partner. Since we spend so much time at work and have such strong relationships with our co-workers, it only makes sense that romance can happen. A non-romantic work relationship can often develop first and then evolve into a romance. Finding a partner in the workplace is also often much safer than finding your partner in places like bars and nightclubs.

In the past, many companies had policies restricting office dating, but the Society for Human Resource Management reports that today most companies do not have any formal rules regarding dating in the workplace. Only 5% of companies have policies that prohibit office dating altogether. Of the 617 members who responded to the SHRM survey, 72 percent do not have a written policy; 14 percent say they have an unwritten, but well understood, norm in their workplace. Thirteen percent do have a policy. Often there is a policy against managers dating subordinates.

The bottom line is that it is not illegal to date a co-worker. An example of a good outcome that is often cited is that Bill Gates might still be a lonely, albeit wealthy, bachelor had he not started dating his future wife, Melinda French, while they were co-workers at Microsoft. However as an HR executive I have addressed many problems resulting from office romances. Using sound judgment can help avoid future problems from these relationships. Here are some guidelines I suggest.

Employee Dating Guidelines

1. Before you ask a co-worker for a date, check to see if your company has an employee dating policy. As stated earlier, there are no laws against dating at work. However, there are also no laws preventing employers from forbidding employee dating, especially between managers and their direct reports.

2. If you or the target of your affections is married, do not engage in an office affair. These romances have a very high probability of impacting the employment of both parties.

3. If you ask a co-worker out and he/she says no then do not ask again. In workplace dating one no is final. Persistence can result in disciplinary action against you.

4. Keep your office relationship outside of the workplace. I suggest you not flirt at work, do not engage in romantic behavior in the workplace, do not send sexual emails to each other using the company email or server and do not discuss the details of your relationship with other co-workers. I have had to terminate numerous good employees who were caught engaging in sexual behavior at work.

5. Do not date anyone who works directly for you or in your “chain of command”. Although these types of relationships happen, they can result in the employee or other co-workers filing lawsuits against the employer. If you are a manager and decide not to take this advice and are dating a co-worker, I recommend you inform your employer and take action to mitigate the possibility of problems. Realize that office romances cannot be kept a secret and your employer and co-workers are likely to learn of the relationship.

Summary

In summary, almost half of the workforce has engaged in a office romance at some time in their career. These relationships are bound to happen and can blossom into many years of happiness. You can enjoy relationships with co-workers without jeopardizing your job by using sound judgment and following these simple suggestions. It seems to have worked out well for Bill and Melinda Gates.